What Undiagnosed Illness Looks Like.

So i guess it's time to talk about something real. The reason i am actually here, doing this.

About 8 months ago, i got, what i thought was the flu. I got dizzy, nauseous, i would collapse, and lost my appetite. When, a week later it was getting no better, only worse, i went to the doctor and we ran blood tests. Everything was normal. But it didn't stop. My eyes started hurting. I was sent to get my eyes check, got glasses, no improvement. I was sent to a neurologist who thought my headaches were from pain meds and started me on medication. No change. I started seeing black spots on my vision. Back to neurology, taken off those meds, tested for MS. Negative. My body stopped fighting the spread of an dental infection, and the infection stopped responding to antibiotics. The theory then became that my rampant infection was causing what is called referred pain and symptoms. I consented to having 21 of them removed, and accepted that at 23 i will have dentures for the rest of my life. No change. I saw a cardiologist, was sent home with a 24 hour heart monitor for 2 weeks, and had a Echocardiogram done. Detected nothing. So 8 months later, here i am, off all of my meds because me and my doctors agree that taking dangerous medication that isn't helping is worthless. Still no improvement. We have a new theory, and it is basically all that's left. Atypical Migraine Syndrome. Basically, imagine a migraine that has taken steroids and has a bad attitude. For some people the pressure and pain can paralyse muscles, or present like a stroke, for others it causes such severe pain that they can't function at all. It's a little different for everyone. What we think it is doing to me, is causing small, fast, and minor seizures. Basically, my brain can't accommodate the severe and constant pain, and in a defense mechanism, shuts my body down for a few seconds. Hence the collapsing, and loss of consciousness. It would explain the destroyer of world headaches, the nausea, the light sensitivity that makes a care ride unbearable, the dizziness, and weakness. It would explain everything. Now we just have to prove it.

In 8 months i have seen 2 doctors, 2 neurologists, a cardiologist, and countless ER doctors. We have tried 6 different medications. I have had 3 CT scans, an MRI, x-rays, and more blood tests than i can count. I have gained 40 pounds thanks to those medications, i've lost about half of my hair, most of my teeth, and my hands almost always shake now. I am 23. I am a mother, and a wife.

I am exhausted.

I am angry.

I see my neurologist again on Monday, where we will, i hope, find out that this horrible neurological condition is what is wrong with me, because i just want this to be over. I want to be treated. I want to be able to play with my son without worrying about falling. The last time i collapsed, i almost broke my wrist. Thank goodness Erich was here, because had it just been me and Thoren..

So i guess i am here because if i didn't unload somewhere, i would lose it at this point, and since there is a 6 month to a year wait for psychiatrists here, i am SOL on that front. But really, i am here, in the hopes that someday, someone who is sick but doesn't know why, will see this. That they will read these words, and know they aren't alone. That they matter. That their symptoms aren't in their head. That they aren't crazy. Undiagnosed illness is a thing, and it is terrifying. Even more so when everyone around you keeps telling you there is nothing there. You are not alone, and DO NOT let them ignore you. Trust your gut, because you are the only person who truly knows what is normal for you.

You are NOT alone. You have options. You have a right, and responsibility to fight for yourself. It is okay to be scared, it is normal to feel overwhelmed. But don't give up looking. Never give up searching for an answer, and a treatment. You are worth it.

You are not alone.