A Little of This, a Little of That.

You know those Pinterest mom's everyone loves to hate? The ones that make soap, and design killer parties, and somehow have it all together, all the time? I'm not that mom. I'm so NOT that person. What i am though, i guess i would call is multifaceted. I have a certain natural knack for most things creative. I know, i know, SO modest right? But hear me out.

This is an abstract of the "Heart" nebula seen here. This was accomplished during naptime

I have been singing, approximately, since i could speak. I draw, i paint, i sculpt, i knit, i write, and i am an award winning photographer, and that's in my spare time. I also make skin care products, am a bitchin cook (who plans on opening a restaurant before she's 35), and in general if you give me a few hours, some alone time, and House (or Say Yes to the Dress) in the background, you're going to come back to something colorful and vibrant, and the house is probably going to smell great.

This photo was the first that ever won me an award. I was 19, and since then several hundred copies have been sold. Copyright protected. 

 This isn't to say i'm Susie Homemaker. My house is a mess for starters. But really, here is the problem. When you are at least moderately skilled in everything you're interested in, it is hard to stay interested for very long. 

Today's naptime project.

Of course i am always practicing, learning, getting better, but when there's no challenge? When a concept isn't mysterious or difficult anymore, i really just lose interest. So i cycle through hobbies, at the rate that most people cycle through shows to binge watch on Netfllix. Every couple weeks i have gotten bored again with whatever was keeping me focused and i switch interests again. This week, i am painting, and knitting, i guess in an effort to draw out the period before change happens again. In two days i have finished two paintings, and am half way done with making my son a knit Mjolnir toy, complete with his name in runes sewn into the side of the head of the hammer.

I do this all in my spare time. The time between raising my son, moving, dealing with the house, and the Army, and making sure my husband and son eat something resembling food at least 3 times daily. 

Yesterday's naptime project.

In short it's exhausting, but if i'm not busy, i am going stir crazy and this is sort of my own personal form of therapy. If i am busy, doing something creative, i can only devote, say, a quarter of my brain power to stressing about moving, finances, medical concerns, and Thoren's therapy, as opposed to the 100% of it, it can occupy when i have nothing else to zone in on and keep my busy. So our house is full of paintings that i have no where to put, dozens of knitted scarves, blankets, and wrist warmers. I have a shelf full of skin balms, and a box somewhere full of celtic knotted leather jewelry. Eventually i'll need a storage unit to deal with it all, but the alternative is total exasperation. So here we are. On the upside, we will never lack for things to put on our walls

Carry On

So today i have FUN's song Carry On stuck in my head, and it just feels so appropriate. The perfect anthem to a new chapter in our lives, and an exciting, albeit terrifying new journey for us. As you all know, i have been sick for quite a while, and now that we know why, it has become abundantly clear to all concerned parties, that our family needs more support and resources than we have available to us in our current situation. So after almost a year of doctors appointments, struggles, stress, and heart ache, the fight is over. My husband is being honorably discharged from the Army, due to our personal circumstances, and we are relocating to Idaho to be with family.

It's the odd combination of feelings.

Relief that we don't have to fight anymore, that my family and i will be somewhere close to an abundance of family. Fear of the unknown, and of leaving relative financial security (the pay isn't great, but it's reliable and we have always made it work). Uncertainty of this new area we are going to, that none of us have ever lived, but excitement for the same reason.

It's confusing.

At the end of the day we are happy, we are anxious to load a truck up and leave, and never set foot in Killeen, or Fort Hood Texas ever again. I am overjoyed to be getting away from the Texas healthcare system, and the bureaucracy that makes it function in such a way that it serves everyone BUT the patient first. I am excited to be able to work on scheduling my surgeries and starting a brand new journey toward health and happiness. To get established with a doctor, neurologist, cardiologist, psychiatrist and surgeons that i trust, and can actually rely on as valuable resources.

I am happy, and i am terrified, but i am ready. We are ready. I know we need this, and so, i know we will make it work. It's time.

I will always be grateful for the experiences the Army has provided us, the impeccable training my husband was fortunate enough to receive, the many places we got to visit, and the absolutely incredible people we have met along the way that i truly feel will be a part of us for the rest of our lives. It's been stressful, taxing, at times heart breaking, and completely amazing, and it will affect us forever. I am so proud of my husband, not just for the commitment he made to this country, but also the commitment he made to his family. In the end it was our commitment to the 3 of us that made this decision clear, and we are fortunate enough that caring NCOs helped us get to the place we are now, heading toward a significantly safer situation.

So really, today i am grateful.

And now i need to go pack. Have a great day guys. XOXO

Momma's got a business?!!

That's right folks! While i have yet to set a name to this awesome new venture of mine, i am VERY excited about it. I have recently started making and selling homemade lotions, lip balms, and salves with completely natural organic, and pure unrefined ingredients. Things like virgin coconut oil, pure organic shea butter, beeswax, olive oil, and essential oils. They are so skin happy, and i am just in love with doing this. I have a few products for sale right now, and the breakdown goes like this:

Pure body butter (not containing essential oils) - 4oz for $8, 8oz for $14
Lavender body butter (w/ lavender essential oil) - 4oz for $10, 8oz for $19
Peppermint lip balm (w/ peppermint essential oil) - 2oz for $5, 4pz for $8
Congestion relief cream (w/peppermint, eucalyptus, and lavender essential oils) - 4oz for $12, 8oz for $22
Muscle pain relief cream (w/ peppermint, clove, and lavender essential oils) - 4oz for $12, 8oz for $22

All prices not including shipping, deals made for multiple orders. The body butters, both, but especially the lavender make great diaper rash creams, or all over healing creams for mild to moderate skin irritations. If you are interested in buying, please email me at ashleydehaven@live.com with what you want, your shipping address if you're not local and your paypal information so that i can send you an invoice. Only accepting paypal at this time, unless you live locally.

I am so excited about this guys, like.. Obnoxiously excited. It is so nice to be contributing to our income in a meaningful way again. I hope you are all having a fabulous day, and i hope to hear from some of you :)

A year in retrospect.

So, it has been a year since my very first Mother's Day, where i was the one being celebrated, and here is what i have learned. Being Mom is hard. Terrifying even. The fate of a person's entire life rests on how well you accomplish this job. Who a person becomes, how they relate to people, that's on you (barring certain medical conditions of course). It is pressure, and it is ultimate responsibility, because if you fuck it up, this tiny person that you love from the very deepest pits of your soul, will be the one that suffers. This is the thing that consumes my mind most days. That i'm not doing it right.

I love my son in a way that leaves me speechless sometimes. The little boy in the next room, curled up, peacefully sleeping with his blanket, is, i firmly believe, what i was meant to do with my life. I am not a perfect Mother though. I lose my patience sometimes, i let him watch far too much TV, i can't drive, so we spend most of our time at home, unless Daddy is here. I love him, but i frequently feel like i fail him. Like our decision to have him when we did, did him a disservice because it robbed him of the social and emotional development that would have come with spending the first year and a half of his life surrounded by loving family, instead of just his Dad and I. It's just the three of us, and most of the time, it is really just the two of us, and the thing that keeps me up at night, is that i'm not sure it's enough.

I spend a lot of time scared now, scared for his future, for what may be.. So i guess what i have learned is that being Mom means no longer living for yourself. It means steeling yourself to the reality that what you are doing matters. Probably more than anything else. It matters because your actions aren't of localised consequence. If you're a terrible parent, you'll raise a broken person, and broken people tend to break others. So i have learned what kind of parent i plan to be. What i am willing to do, to give my son the life he deserves, and every advantage i can get him. I have learned that i willing to advocate, to stand my ground, and fight for him, more than i would ever fight for myself.
I have learned that to love a child is to put their needs so far above your own.

I have learned that there are things in this world that can truly, and in a way i never expected, break your heart into a million pieces, and because you're Mom, you paint on a smile, and you laugh, and play, and hug, and sing, through all of it, because that little boy needs his Mom to be there, to be strong, and resilient, so that he doesn't have to be. For him to thrive, he has to see me thrive, even if it is a partial facade.

I have learned what love is, what it means to me. What is worth dying for, and most importantly, what is worth living for.

My Favorite Crock Pot Recipes (Volume 1)

So every Sunday until the end of the summer, i will be sharing 2 awesome crock pot recipes. At the end of this post i will list a few possible recipes to share for the next week, and the two that get the most requests will be featured. Simple and sweet, and something fun to keep up with. We could live out of our crock pot, and it gets enough use that i even invest in those crock pot liners that sound like a joke, but i swear, make life SO much easier.

So for this week our recipes are baked pasta, and stuffed pork chops. Both are crazy yummy, and oh so easy.

Crock Pot Baked Pasta:
1 pound pasta
1 pound ground beef/turkey/kielbasa/Italian sausage/veggie option*
your favorite pasta sauce (about 32 ounces)
1 cup chopped bell pepper
1 cup sliced mushrooms
8 ounces ricotta
1.5 cups mozzarella
1 TBSP Italian seasoning
1 TBSP garlic

*This is awesome with zucchini, yellow squash, peppers,mushrooms etc, and i imagine eggplant.

First things first if you are making a homemade sauce start that first so that it has time to simmer together and develop a little flavor a half hour ahead of time should do since it will keep cooking in the crock pot. Then in a frying pan, cook your protein (skip this step if you are making this vegetarian), until cooked through and golden brown. Set aside. Chop your bell pepper, and mushroom, set aside. Next mix together the ricotta, 1 cup of the mozzarella, Italian seasoning, and garlic until combined and smooth, set aside. Now that you have all your elements, layer it up. Sauce on the bottom, then pasta, then half of the meat and veggies, then sauce, then pasta, then cheese mixture, then sauce, then pasta, then the rest of the meat, then sauce, then pasta, top with the remaining sauce covering well. You want all the layers to be very saucy because this is what is going to cook the pasta, so i know it will seem like too much at first, but that pasta will drink it all up, i promise. Set your crock pot to lo for about 5 hours, or high for 4. When it is done, cover with remaining mozzarella, turn off the crock pot, and let sit for about 10 minutes with the lid off while the cheese melts down. Serve and enjoy!


As for the stuffed pork chops

You'll need:
2 pork chops, butterflied and pounded
1 apple
1/2 onion
1 stalk celery
1.5 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup ricotta
1 cup bread crumbs (italian or corn bread)
salt, pepper, garlic, and paprika to taste
1 cup Mushrooms
3 TBSPs Butter
1 TBSP flour
.5 cup cream

Dice the apple, onion, and celery into small pieces and saute in a frying pan until tender, add ricotta and blend well, then add half of a cup of chicken broth, seasonings, and the bread crumbs, stirring well, cook on low until the crumbs have absorbed the broth and started to darken. Let cool for ten minutes or so. Pound out your butterflied chops until there are about half an in inch in thickness, season well. With some olive oil grease the bottom of your crock pot. On half the the pork chop load stuffing, you will probably be left with a little in the end, i usually refrigerate it and use it the next day in something. Fold there rest of the chop over the filling, so you have it folded in half around your stuffed. They will be thick, and a bit messy, but oh so worth it. Put in your crock pot, set it to low, and cook 6 to 8 hours.) When you are a half hour out, slice your mushrooms, and saute with one TBSP butter. Remove and set aside when browned. In that same pan, put in the other 2 TBSPs of butter, and sprinkle in 1 TBSP flour, whisking constantly for 2 minutes. Slowly add in the rest of the chicken broth, simmer for 5 minutes or until the consistency you want it, add cream, continue to simmer another 2 minutes, add seasoning, then add the mushrooms back in. Serve over your pork chops. Goes well with mashed potatoes, mashed cauliflower, whipped sweet potatoes, and green bean, corn, or broccoli casserole.

So this is it for this week. Up next week i can do, Crock Pot Chili, Crock Pot Lo Mein, Crock Pot Whole Citrus Chicken, or Crock Pot Breakfast Casserole. Vote for the two you want to see in the comments, and i'll be here same time next week. Happy cooking!

Momma's got a meal plan.

So, i don't know about you, but i like to know what is in store for me in the days to come, and if i don't plan out meals ahead of time, i tend toward falling victim to the take out monster because it's easy, and effortless. But it is also expensive as hell, and crappy for your body, even if you try get healthier options, the food you get out is almost always swimming in sodium, sugar, and fat. So with that in mind, i am recommitting to meal planning. This is a bit of a trick here in Texas, where the heat can be best described as "just this side of the Gate to Hell), so my oven is off limits until either october, or until we move, whichever comes sooner. So i get TONS of use out of my crock pot. Below is my meal plan for this pay period:

5/1 - Shopping and take out
5/2 - Crock pot Moroccan lamb stew over couscous (freeze leftovers)
5/3 - Crock pot baked pasta w/ kielbasa and veggies (leftovers for lunch the next day)
5/4 - Crock pot beef stew (freeze leftovers)
5/5 - Crock pot stuffed pork chops w/ mashed potatoes (no leftovers)
5/6 - Crock pot spanish chicken and rice (freeze leftovers)
5/7 - Crock pot meatloaf w/ mashed potatoes (leftovers for sandwiches)
5/8 - Homemade pizza 
5/9 - Crock pot citrus chicken w/ rice and veggies (no leftovers)
5/10 - Crock pot baked pasta w/ kielbasa and veggies (leftovers for lunch the next day)
5/11 - Reheat beef stew
5/12 - Crock pot chicken chili (freeze leftovers)
5/13 - Reheat lamb
5/14 - Take out

I already have most of what i need for all of this, our grocery bill which includes $40 for Thoren's pediasure should come out to just about $115 for the next two weeks, bearing in mind that 7 of these meals will stretch for 2 days. Pretty awesome huh? I buy our staples in bulk every couple months (pasta, rice, quinoa, chicken etc), and then really only have to get some produce, milk, eggs, and bread along the way. It's a system that i like, that works, and that i am actually pretty proud of when i stick to it.

For any of these recipes, leave a comment! I am thinking about doing a "Favorite Crock Pot Recipes" feature once a week, so let me know what you want to see. 

And the verdict is...

We still aren't sure, but two doctors have finally agreed on what they think it is. Seizures brought on by migraines. So next week i get an EEG which looks like this, and i get to wear that bad boy for 3, freaking, days. With any luck, that will tell the tale. If i am having seizures, this machine, will ideally catch an actual episode, but if it doesn't it should catch the waves responsible for them while i'm sleeping, so keep your fingers crossed, because i am so ready to have some answers once and for all. Short wiring brain, or not.

I also get to go see a Neural-Opthamologist next week, and get set up with a fancy pair of glasses that will regulate the light i am seeing because my light sensitivity is seriously impacting my life at this point.

I was given a new medication to try, but we are holding off until after the EEG, because it's a combination migraine, seizure medication, and we don't want it to interfere with the tests. So hopefully once i get to start taking that, the migraines will calm down unlike the last medication i was given that made them worse. Fun fact, we found out today that the medication i was given by my last neurologist is not indicated for migraines, and in fact, can increase headache severity, worsen depression, and mess with blood pressure. Fun huh?? This gives you an idea of the totally top notch medical care i've received. I guess i should just be glad he didn't prescribe something that could kill me. Nope, that was just the Cardiologist. But i digress.

No luck getting in with a Psychiatrist because as you would imagine near a military post, demand is high, and everyone is backed up at least six months. I can't start new antidepressants until i'm seen by one, so i am working medication free for the first time in over a year, and am so far, not impressed. I know there is this huge stigma about mental illness, and medications for them in this country. But honestly, if you have a problem, and you need help, you owe it to yourself to get seen, and get treated.

Anyways, this is me today. Battling the stomach flu for the 4th straight day, hoping i am having seizures just so that i finally know what is wrong with me, and we can go home and get better.